*There is absolutely no mention of Jelly Tots in this post. Apologies for any inconvenience or stress caused by misleading title. I accept no liability for your consequent actions of suicide or laptop damage induced by Jelly Tot-denied frustration.
For some reason I always look forward to “blog update” time even though, lets be honest, most people don’t really want to read a massive pile of junk that is someone’s feeble life. However, I say these people are probably so scornful and dismissive because they’re secretly appalled and hurt because their lives are actually more pathetic than that which they’re reading about. This is totally not the start of the post I had envisioned. But I’m having fun with it so *shrugs*.
Starting a post is so much easier than starting a book. I’ve attempted to do what English teachers patronisingly call “creative writing” in the past and apart from a few pieces of a couple of thousand words which seem to work quite well, I’ve never had much success at book-writing. Developing characters, plot twists and the landscape in which your story is situated is all very well and dandy, and I’m pretty handy at blabbing on with interesting adjectives for a while( how else do you think I get history essays up to the required word count? you didn’t think I actually knew what I was talking about did you? silly person.) but what I find most difficult is figuring out how to fill in plot holes. These little bastards crop up more often that you’d think, and any person who picks up a book, even in the fantasy section, will admit that a small thing like “the main dude is a magical unicorn who only speaks unicornian and his best friend is a tortoise (or possibly a turtle, its never really made clear)” will eventually become a larger issue, as obviously the Testudine will not speak unicornian which will most likely lead to problems in their relationship. Probably ending with a messy divorce, a lot of tears and having to share custody of their pet goldfish. It’s a bummer. However, I’ve totally lost track of what I was saying so I will simply finish this rather rambling and windy paragraph by saying you really should know the difference between a Tortoise and a Turtle. It could save your life.
This is a fucking tortoise.
And this is a turtle. Please take note.
And this is a tortoise and a raspberry which I just thought should be included because its fucking funny.
So…now that that’s taken care of….onto the main part of the post…
It’s now been 24 days since I officially gave up smoking which I think is a pretty respectable period of time so I now feel ready to start again. Hehe, just kidding I promise 
I have had a couple of slip ups – mostly when I’m drunk, as for some reason, as I’m sure most people are aware, lung cancer and atherosclerosis become so much more attractive when consuming vast quantities of alcohol. Nevertheless, I am remaining strong when sober and am clutching my bag of raisins which my mother assures me will take the bite off the craving. Like most silly and illogical things my mother comes out with, this one turned out to be quite right. Raisins really do work. They also give you a sickly feeling in your stomach. It is inadvisable to consume more than 300g in under half an hour.
Training is also going well. We have our first ISK squad training of the year this coming sunday so it would probably be a bad idea to get too hammered the night before I’ve now settled into a routine of training four times a week which has meant I’m already starting to feel the effects in my sparring certainly as Viper Squad sessions continue. I am a little worried I’m going to burn out or my university work will take a definite dip but we shall see. I may have to review my training programme in a couple of months. I’ve also taken up swimming once a week and after getting off to a brilliant start of 32 lengths last week (that’s half a mile of avoiding fat people and screaming kids I’ll have you know), we slowed to a crawl of about 10 lengths in an hour in yesterdays session – treading water and attempting to drown each other is just so much more fun.
Things in my personal life (jeez that sounds like I’m actually structuring this thing!) seem to be pootling along really well. Rob and I have made it a resolution to explore as much of Cornwall as possible and we started out this last weekend visiting Hell’s Mouth and walking along the cliffs there although unfortunately the cafe was shut so no cream tea for us *sad face*. We then went for a quick walk along Portreath beach, exploring the caves as we went and returning home for a much needed chicken curry after a long day in the outdoors 
I’m planning a trip to St Michael’s Mount at some point and I’ve also been told about something called treasure trails which take you all over the countryside (and hopefully point the way to a few good pubs ) so should be worth a try. So all in all life is feeling pretty awesome at the moment
Music of the month? Has to be Rammstein – if you haven’t heard them before look them up, I only discovered them recently but they blow your mind! Try Bestrafe Mich, Du Hast, Ich Tu Dir Weh and Du Reichst So Gut. Oh and if you’re looking for something a bit lighter I’d go with Rihanna’s Only Girl, it’ll make you feel like a whole new woman 
Bye for now.
